I wish I knew how to take away his depression.

This newest medication is not helping as much as we hoped. H will go back to the psychiatrist on Jan 31,  It is very sad there are so few psychiatrists in our area that are willing to see people for depression.  We were willing to go in about 50 mile radius from where we live and it still took about 4 years to find and actual one who would see and treat depression.  The only thing is it is hard to get in with her so he does not get to see her very often. 

When my children are having a bad day I can go up to them and give them a big hug and whisper in their ear you will always be my favorite “Katie” bug.  Or something that describes just them they always get a big grin and know they are loved and life feels better.  Even with my teens it seems to help them.  But I don’t seem to be able to help my hubby. I know there are things I could do that would help i.e.  Fix all the chips in the walls and repaint them leaving no more permanent marker.    Most of my carpets are so beyond sad and desperately need to be replaced.  My cupboards are missing 3 doors and we have several drawers that are broken.  We can’t afford to fix them.  The economy and some unforeseen incidences have hit us hard we cannot afford to do these things but I know how much they bug H (they bug me too but they are real hard on H) I love H with all my heart and wish I could do something to make him feel better. 

Are there things that you have found that seem to make a difference?  A few things I have found that help him are a clean house (did I mention that we have 8 kids between the ages of 3 and 14), we switched to all daylight lights, sometimes if I cook him a real yummy meal it helps.  When I can convince him to go outside a do something it also seems to help of course now it is winter and cold with lots of snow so it makes that harder. H as four different types of depression he has seasonal, situational and unipolar disorder and MDD (major depressive disorder). 

Other things I have found I have to do is try and word things carefully, I don’t want to add to the depression stress and anxiety.  I also have to make sure I don’t react when he gets angry, if I yell and fight back it feeds fuel to the fire but if I just step back and try to overlook the little things or state things as they are…”You are just trying to hurt me, I hope it makes you feel better because I love and care about you” that it helps to deflate it.  I don’t try to go over board and be melodramatic because honestly that is not going to help; it never helps when my 14 year old gets melodramatic and it won’t help if I do.

Are there things that you have found that help your loved one with their depression? I would love to hear your ideas, there is a big part of me that feels like as his wife I should be able to help and make a difference. I know If H lost weight it would help to but right now his depression is too great for him to deal with that.