I wish I knew how to take away his depression.

This newest medication is not helping as much as we hoped. H will go back to the psychiatrist on Jan 31,  It is very sad there are so few psychiatrists in our area that are willing to see people for depression.  We were willing to go in about 50 mile radius from where we live and it still took about 4 years to find and actual one who would see and treat depression.  The only thing is it is hard to get in with her so he does not get to see her very often. 

When my children are having a bad day I can go up to them and give them a big hug and whisper in their ear you will always be my favorite “Katie” bug.  Or something that describes just them they always get a big grin and know they are loved and life feels better.  Even with my teens it seems to help them.  But I don’t seem to be able to help my hubby. I know there are things I could do that would help i.e.  Fix all the chips in the walls and repaint them leaving no more permanent marker.    Most of my carpets are so beyond sad and desperately need to be replaced.  My cupboards are missing 3 doors and we have several drawers that are broken.  We can’t afford to fix them.  The economy and some unforeseen incidences have hit us hard we cannot afford to do these things but I know how much they bug H (they bug me too but they are real hard on H) I love H with all my heart and wish I could do something to make him feel better. 

Are there things that you have found that seem to make a difference?  A few things I have found that help him are a clean house (did I mention that we have 8 kids between the ages of 3 and 14), we switched to all daylight lights, sometimes if I cook him a real yummy meal it helps.  When I can convince him to go outside a do something it also seems to help of course now it is winter and cold with lots of snow so it makes that harder. H as four different types of depression he has seasonal, situational and unipolar disorder and MDD (major depressive disorder). 

Other things I have found I have to do is try and word things carefully, I don’t want to add to the depression stress and anxiety.  I also have to make sure I don’t react when he gets angry, if I yell and fight back it feeds fuel to the fire but if I just step back and try to overlook the little things or state things as they are…”You are just trying to hurt me, I hope it makes you feel better because I love and care about you” that it helps to deflate it.  I don’t try to go over board and be melodramatic because honestly that is not going to help; it never helps when my 14 year old gets melodramatic and it won’t help if I do.

Are there things that you have found that help your loved one with their depression? I would love to hear your ideas, there is a big part of me that feels like as his wife I should be able to help and make a difference. I know If H lost weight it would help to but right now his depression is too great for him to deal with that.

A little about me.

I have the privilege of being married to a wonderful man and being the mother to 8 wonderful children. My hubby (H) and I have been married for 15 years.  of that he has dealt with depression for 14.  His father suffered from depression, but passed away from cancer in 1995 three weeks before H turned 20. H has been on numerous medications a few of the ones he has tried our Prozac, Wellburtin, Clexea, Cymbalta, Abilify, I know there has been more but I don't remember them all.  In November he went on Viibryd.  So far it seems to help but if he misses even one does then he drops like he never has before.  The problem with depression is it becomes very lonely for us who watch and try to help our loved ones.   I have talked with friends or neighbors who have asked about H when they hear he suffers from depression, some have said thing like why doesn't he just get over it.  Or are you sure he is not just looking for attention.  People don't realize that Depression is not just felling bad for a few hours, depression is cancer of the mind.  There is no magic cure, it's not just something people can get over with a change of thought.  Depression affects everyone in different ways, but I bet that all depressed people would take a magic pill to just get over it.  I know H would love to be happy.  H would love to just not feel so down.

So many times I find myself trying to make excuses for H. People will ask why he did not come to church or an  activity.  I will say he is sick.  I have made excuses to my children on why Daddy does not want to be a part of family activities or when he misses some of the little things that mean so much to little kids.  When a child goes in and wants to wake Daddy to play with them but Daddy really wants to sleep because sleep is his escape.

For the last 14 years I have often felt so alone that no one else would ever understand what I am going through.  Then the last year when things have been one of the hardest times for our family, and very hard for H depression, I began to wonder if others felt the same way so now I have created a blog where hopefully we can get together a discuss some of the things we go through and hopefully help each other through it.