A little about me.

I have the privilege of being married to a wonderful man and being the mother to 8 wonderful children. My hubby (H) and I have been married for 15 years.  of that he has dealt with depression for 14.  His father suffered from depression, but passed away from cancer in 1995 three weeks before H turned 20. H has been on numerous medications a few of the ones he has tried our Prozac, Wellburtin, Clexea, Cymbalta, Abilify, I know there has been more but I don't remember them all.  In November he went on Viibryd.  So far it seems to help but if he misses even one does then he drops like he never has before.  The problem with depression is it becomes very lonely for us who watch and try to help our loved ones.   I have talked with friends or neighbors who have asked about H when they hear he suffers from depression, some have said thing like why doesn't he just get over it.  Or are you sure he is not just looking for attention.  People don't realize that Depression is not just felling bad for a few hours, depression is cancer of the mind.  There is no magic cure, it's not just something people can get over with a change of thought.  Depression affects everyone in different ways, but I bet that all depressed people would take a magic pill to just get over it.  I know H would love to be happy.  H would love to just not feel so down.

So many times I find myself trying to make excuses for H. People will ask why he did not come to church or an  activity.  I will say he is sick.  I have made excuses to my children on why Daddy does not want to be a part of family activities or when he misses some of the little things that mean so much to little kids.  When a child goes in and wants to wake Daddy to play with them but Daddy really wants to sleep because sleep is his escape.

For the last 14 years I have often felt so alone that no one else would ever understand what I am going through.  Then the last year when things have been one of the hardest times for our family, and very hard for H depression, I began to wonder if others felt the same way so now I have created a blog where hopefully we can get together a discuss some of the things we go through and hopefully help each other through it.